I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
