I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
