I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
