She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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