Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
