i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
