I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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