nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
