we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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