You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
