So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
