Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made him laugh his dick is mine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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