There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
