i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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