Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
