You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
