Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
