Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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