it wasn't lemon gatorade
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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