If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
