did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
