i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
