this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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