I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
