you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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