I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
