ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize