just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
