I'm lost and stupid without you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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