Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
