I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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