We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
