I wish I only lived at night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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