Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
