He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
