and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
