I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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