that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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