Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
