I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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