Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
