dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
