Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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