First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
