forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude i'm inner monologue high
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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