GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
