1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
