Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
