Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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