If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize