I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
