We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize