First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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