I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
