He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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