i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
