To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
