Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
