Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
