a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
