summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
