i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
