chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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