Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
