i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
