Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
