I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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