she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's like iHOP with fire
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
