Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
