Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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