I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
