Michael Bay diarrhea
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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